Are these “safe spaces” really that safe?

I think Inigo Montoya describes it pretty accurately here. These “safe spaces” that college campuses are providing have the potential to be damaging in a number of ways, but I’m gonna look at a perspective that I have yet to see written about and that kind of infuriates me.

I’ve been trying to collect my thoughts and figure out where I stand about this for a few weeks and I think I’ve finally come to a conclusion. The hardest part is putting it into words that are coherent and make sense, so bear with me.

So, for starters, here is an example of what I’m talking about as far as “safe spaces,” if you aren’t aware.

Now, I think I’m a pretty open-minded person and part of me can understand the fear and the distress from the results of the recent election. I have many friends who feel personally victimized by what Trump has said and are actually terrified of what the next 4 years hold. I want to make it clear that I am in NO WAY discounting those fears or playing down what you may be feeling. I may not completely understand because I haven’t lived your life and I don’t have to face the same things you do every day and that’s okay. I still love you and I’ll still stand up for you. I’m not at all saying that the things you are feeling aren’t real or valid.

This is not a commentary on the election or Trump or whether the “safe spaces” should exist. I’m bringing this up because I can’t handle the hypocrisy of these college campuses. It makes me sick. These “safe spaces” are a mockery and show what is valued by these universities, and, frankly, it is exactly what these campuses are protesting or trying to be protected from.

To get to my point here we need to dig into the why. Why do these “safe spaces” even exist? Why do people feel that there’s a need for them? The answer, of course, is because people are shocked, distraught, and frightened by the results of the election.

Well, why do they feel that way? Because they feel that Donald Trump is a threat to them and those they care about and will be a nightmare.

Well, why do they feel that way? (I know I sound like a 2-year-old right now, but we’re getting to my point.) Here is where the answers get more diverse and trickier. Maybe it’s simply because he’s a Republican and they’re worried about his policy? Maybe it’s because he has absolutely no political experience? Maybe it’s because of his comments on immigrants? Maybe it’s because of his treatment and comments on women?

I don’t really have a solid answer to this one because there isn’t one. Everyone’s opposition stems from their own experiences and therefore is going to be completely different. But the one I want to focus on today is his treatment of and comments towards women because that is where I feel the most blatant hypocrisy is on the part of these schools.

I know many people who oppose Donald Trump and are truly terrified about his presidency because of his comments towards women. Some have been longtime Republicans or conservatives who couldn’t bring themselves to vote for him because they feel that his comments and actions normalize, condone, and make acceptable the sexual assault and harassment of women. I can’t disagree with those feelings. The day after the election this disgusting sign was up outside of someone’s home in College Station. It is absolutely revolting and it is a perfect indication of why those fears are valid.

So we have this man as our president (in January, remember) who has placed fear in the hearts of millions that they will now be the victims of sexual assault or harassment and that everyone will think it’s okay. I understand this fear and the longing to provide “safe spaces” to students struggling with this fear seems reasonable. It also seems reasonable to want to provide for the students struggling with the other emotions mentioned earlier (although some of the methods do seem a little ridiculous and I can’t disagree with some of the criticisms, but this is an open-minded post, so no judgments here).

But you can’t offer your campus up as a “safe space” for all feelings and unity and then demonize everyone that doesn’t agree with you. And you ABSOLUTELY cannot do this and then not offer a safe space for those who have actually been assaulted and raped. If the reason you need a “safe space” in the first place is to help those that are struggling with Trump being our president because of what he’s said and done to women, you better make damn sure that you’re taking care of those same issues on your campus. You can’t pretend like you abhor him because of the things he’s said and then turn around and sweep rape allegations under the rug. If you can create a “safe space” for people who need to play with Play-doh to get over their shock of the election results, you better be able to create a safe space for the women (and men) who have actually been assaulted and raped and are dealing with these things in real life, not just for those who are offended because someone who said something they didn’t like was elected.

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We all know about the scandal at Baylor (here are the full findings) and it wouldn’t surprise me if the same sort of things were happening at schools all around the country. After reading of Baylor’s absolutely horrifying findings, I had to see if the climate at other universities was as abysmal as theirs.

In 2015, the AAU released the results of their Campus Climate Survey on Sexual Assault and Sexual Misconduct. This was one of the first and most comprehensive studies on sexual assault and misconduct at institutes of higher education. They involved 27 universities around the country and had a sample size of almost 780,000 people. (I was one of those, they conducted this at A&M as well). The purpose was to figure out the prevalence of this problem on campuses and try to identify ways to help schools address it. You can check out the report here.

They found quite a few striking things:

1. “A relatively small percentage (e.g., 28% or less) of even the most serious incidents are reported to an organization or agency (e.g., Title IX office; law enforcement).”

2. “More than 50 percent of the victims of even the most serious incidents (e.g., forced penetration) say they do not report the event because they do not consider it ‘serious enough.'” — This mindset brings up a whole entire different issue about what society thinks is and isn’t okay. Here, here, and here are some articles that help explain why rape culture is accepted.

3. “A significant percentage of students say they did not report because they were ‘…embarrassed, ashamed or that it would be too emotionally difficult’ or ‘…did not think anything would be done about it.'”

4. “About a quarter of the students generally believe they are knowledgeable about the resources available related to sexual assault and misconduct.” — That means 75% of the student body doesn’t know where to get help or where to report incidences.

These findings are scary! You can already see that these campuses may not actually be “safe spaces.” But let’s dig a little deeper.

Almost half of the students surveyed have been victims of some sort of sexual harassment or misconduct. Those numbers skyrocket when they specifically look at undergraduate females and students who don’t identify as a binary gender.

What are the schools doing to solve this issue? The students don’t seem to have much confidence in them. Only about half believe that the victim would be supported by other students, that the victim would be protected, that a fair investigation would occur, and that campus officials would take action against the offender. And a little more than 1/3 of students believe that the university would take action to address the issues that led to the incident. These numbers drop when you look at the responses from undergrad females and the students who didn’t identify as a binary gender. The group most likely to be assaulted was the group least likely to trust in campus officials. That is telling.

Another interesting thing this study looked at was “bystander intervention.” When someone sees another person acting in a sexually violent or harassing manner, what do they do? Of the students who had witnessed this occurring, more than half did nothing. They just let it happen. So it makes sense that only half of the students believe that a victim would be supported because only half of the students who witnessed an encounter did anything about it.

In summary, the AAU study found that almost 3/4 of incidences are not reported because the victim feels ashamed, like nothing would be done, or it wasn’t a big deal (SERIOUSLY?? How are we still perpetuating this lie??). Most people who witness an incident occurring don’t do anything about it. Roughly half of all students don’t trust the campus officials (to put it in general terms) and less than 40% believe that campus officials would take action and the climate would change. (You can read the full report and check out the statistics here.)

I just can’t even put into words how sad this is to me.So what does this prove about “safe spaces”?

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So what does this prove about “safe spaces”?

3 of the schools that participated in this survey are also three of the schools mentioned in the first article that are providing “safe spaces.” Guess what? All three of them were above the average of the 27 schools as far as percentage of sexual assault/misconduct goes and two of them were in the TOP THREE! Here is a brief rundown of the findings by school.

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Let’s talk about Yale first. Here is one reaction from the Yale Daily News, showing the overall attitude on campus after the election. It highlights that students are upset about the results of the election because of Trump’s attitude toward women. Like really upset. So upset that they organized a group scream so that participants could “express their frustration productively.” I’m not going to comment on that method because it really isn’t all that bad and it is more respectable than what some of the other universities have done. And because that’s not the point of this post.

What those students probably don’t know is that while they’re venting their frustration and stressing out because a man “who has such a vocal hatred toward women” will be the president, there are students at their university living out that hatred and there are students actively dealing with the repercussions of the sexual assault and sexism that they are so vehemently against.

Out of the 27 schools the AAU surveyed, Yale had the 3rd highest percentage of female undergraduates who experience sexual assault. More than a third of all students have experienced at least one incident of sexual assault since their enrollment and almost half of all students experienced sexual harassment.

Yale Daily News followed the findings with a commentary and, it seems, an improved resolve to change these statistics. However, the discrepancy between what these students say they believe and how they actually live is troubling.

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Let’s talk about Cornell now, the school who held a “cry in” for students in shock after the election. Nearly a quarter of undergraduate females at Cornell were victims of sexual assault, which is above average for the 27 universities surveyed. Only a small percentage of students know how the university defines sexual assault. Only about a quarter know where to turn for help and where to make a report. They are leaving their students with nowhere to turn when sexual misconduct occurs.

Cornell’s news department also released a response and have an improved resolve to change their statistics.

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Now let’s talk about the school who came in first (out of only 27, so possibly not the highest in the nation) for the percentage of female undergraduate sexual assault: Michigan. Here is a little bit about the reaction on their campus after the election. According to a student, Michigan offered “safe spaces” and a vigil. After reading that article, it’s actually pretty understandable. But, again, where is the safe space for the victims?

According to the AAU survey at Michigan, more than a quarter of all students surveyed believe that sexual assault is a big problem. Nearly half of undergraduate women believe that sexual assault is a big problem, which I think has the most credence because almost a third of undergraduate women experience sexual assault, with another quarter experiencing non-consensual sexual touching. In total, more than half of all students had experienced some sort of sexual misconduct while at the University of Michigan. This number is astounding.

Of course, the President of the university also intends to make changes. You can read his response here.

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Stanford was not a participant in this survey, but what the heck, let’s just address the issues there too.

The Brock Turner case, for one, put the students at Stanford, and really the nation, in a rage. The way it was handled is indicative of a larger issue at Stanford. So much so that students are condemning the university’s internal campus climate survey and are asking for a new one that adopts the methods that the AAU survey used. Those two articles really sum up the issue well, but in a nutshell, after some controversial decisions by the university, students are calling for a new survey that accurately reflects the campus climate at Stanford, and the university is blatantly ignoring them. This attitude is reminiscent of what has been going on at Baylor, and it is sickening.

While Stanford is ignoring those pleas, they are offering psychological counseling and programs for students and staff after the election. They want to “reaffirm the university’s commitment to support every member of our community.” Really? Where is the safe space for this woman, whose attacker was still able to show up at her home and classroom? Where’s the safe space for these women, whose assailant stayed on campus for years afterward and was still able to graduate?

What is the most terrifying about the situation at places like Stanford and Baylor is that it is the university and administration that are perpetuating this culture of rape acceptance. At least at Cornell and Yale and Michigan, the administration went on record to say that they would do more to prevent sexual assault on their campus. Whether that happens or not is another issue, but at least they are recognizing the results of the AAU survey and looking for ways to resolve them.

So this is really my issue with these “safe spaces.” This is not a commentary on politics or on Trump, I only used those examples to point out the hypocrisy of these universities. I honestly don’t even care that the universities are setting up these “safe spaces.” My problem is that they are spending their students’ tuition money, their alumni’s and donors’ donations, and sometimes taxpayer money to coddle these students when they can’t even take seriously the rape, sexual assault, and sexual misconduct that happen on their campuses and to their students every day.

How about we provide a safe space for them?

Sunday Scribbles: What if?

That is a quote from the movie “Letters to Juliet.” I don’t really even remember the movie at all but those words have always stuck with me and inspired me.

What if I could be a light for others? What if I stand up for what I believe in? What if I try to be more positive? What if I don’t?

You can see where this kind of thinking could lead. Taking time to ponder on future possibilities allows for dreams and goals to form. Asking “what if?” can propel us into action to accomplish these goals and dreams.

A couple months ago as I was thinking about my life, my future, and almost just looking for a different path, I was introduced to a new business opportunity. While it was never something that had appealed to me, at this crossroads in my life it seemed to fit perfectly into my “what if?” scenario.

What if I didn’t have to keep applying and interviewing for jobs my whole life?

What if my work situation wasn’t determined by anyone else?

What if my success didn’t depend on anyone else?

Especially as I thought about my husband, our future, and his decision to go to medical school and join the Air Force, these questions became even more weighty.

What if I could build a career and be a stay at home mom, even while Josh is in school?

What if I had the flexibility to work from anywhere in the world?

What if I could find an acne treatment that actually works and get paid while I use it?

These “what if?” questions just kept coming. And then the granddaddy of them all hit me.

What if I don’t try?

In that moment, I saw everything that could be lost. The mobility, the flexibility, the happiness, the special moments with my children, the ambition and drive, the freedom. All of those things that I wanted would just vanish if I stayed on my current path. I knew that this opportunity was not one that I could pass up. Yes, the “what if I fail?” question arose, but so did the “what if I don’t?” and the hope in the latter was more than enough to give me the courage to go for it. And so I did.

Now the questions that come drive me to do more and become better.

What if I can hit this goal?

What if I can make a difference in someone else’s life and confidence?

I am beyond grateful for this opportunity. It truly is life-changing. I’m so glad I focused on my faith rather than my fear. I never have to ask myself “What if I had tried?”

What is your “what if?” What is the risk that you want so bad to take but just won’t? Well, what if you did?

Don’t allow this question to haunt you. Move forward, try something new, always take the opportunity to grow. And remember my absolute favorite quote:

“Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt.”

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday Scribbles: “To whom shall we go?”

Octobers are beautiful for a number of reasons: The weather begins to be bearable, we’re in the full swing of football season, the holidays are close enough to taste (and decorate), the list goes on and on. Today, I’m grateful for October because I have the privilege to hear from a prophet of God.

In the LDS faith, we have what we call General Conference every April and October, where the leaders of the church speak to us, guide us, and help us understand what God needs us to know. As I listened to General Conference yesterday and today, I was touched by the simplicity of the doctrine shared. It all boiled down to one basic principle: follow Christ.

The topics ranged from gratitude to service to prayer to faith and back again, but Jesus Christ was central to them all. I LOVE that, because it is so true! No matter our background or our circumstances, any sincere improvement we try to make in our lives begins and ends with the Savior. Do I want my prayers to be more sincere? Well, then I better follow Christ’s example of willingness. Do I want to be strong against temptation? Then the foundation of my life and testimony needs to be Christ. Do I want to return to live with God again? Then I need to trust in the Savior and His Atonement and repent.

Just as my improvements need to revolve around Christ, so does my life. He isn’t just there when times are hard and I need to change, He is there when times are easy and I need to grow; He is there when times are happy and I need to be grateful; He is simply always there.

I feel like this Conference focused on many different aspects of the Savior and His Atonement. These include:

• Being grateful and not taking for granted the precious doctrine that I have because of my Savior
• Serving and loving Christ as I show others charity
• Following Christ’s example of prayer and complete willingness to obey God
• Because of Christ, I always have a second chance; I am always good enough to be saved
• Being a valiant Christian by being in His service
• The Atonement is God’s gift to me, purchased at a high price
• The Savior sees divine potential in me
• His love for me is always there
• Trusting and having faith in Christ’s teachings
• Being motivated, focused, and dedicated to Christ’s work
• Teaching others about Christ and His gospel
• Christ is the source of all joy
• Remembering the Atonement as I take the Sacrament
• Because of the Atonement, I can always, always, always repent
• The importance of truly worshipping Him, rather than just going through the motions
• Following Christ’s example in judgment; loving and saving rather than condemning
• Coming to know the Savior instead of just knowing OF Him
• Following and living the doctrine of Christ
• Remembering the teachings of Christ
• Christ will help me through my suffering

The sessions of this General Conference were saturated with Christ and His teachings. It was a much needed reminder of all that Christ can and will do for me and all that I need to continue and begin doing for Him. In short, remember Jesus Christ and follow Him.

My testimony and resolve to more fully follow Christ was strengthened this weekend. My thoughts echo those of Peter in John’s account:

“Then said Jesus unto the twelve, Will ye also go away? Then Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go? Thou hast the words of eternal life. And we believe and are sure that thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God.” (John 6:67-69)

 

Favorite Conference Quotes:

 

 

Sunday Scribbles: Nostalgia

This week I’ve been able to reconnect and catch up with so many people and it has been amazing, but it’s hit me with a hard case of nostalgia. So this post is dedicated to those who raised me, grew up with me, put up with me, and stood by me (just to name a few). One friend mentioned that she recently went through a lot of old pictures and I thought it would be fun to do the same. Here are some of the gems I found:

One of my all time faves haha

 

I seriously miss all of you so much! We’ve had such fun together. I am just filled with overwhelming gratitude for each of you. What a blessing you all are in my life! You’ve each left a mark on my heart and weeks like this help me remember why. I LOVE you! ♥♥

Spoiler Alert: No one gets out alive anyway.

If you know me very well, you know that I have a slight case of hypochondria/paranoia. Recently, my husband has been watching House to “stay motivated for medical school” and I’m in full blown “I just coughed so I must have a rare but deadly disease” mode. It’s exhausting to be this worried about something that doesn’t exist. I should go lie down.

Okay, but let’s be honest, I really do worry about things WAY too much. I’m a planner. I have to always have a plan and a back up plan and a back up back up plan. It’s a little obsessive. In some ways it’s good – it keeps me on track – but part of me wishes I was less worrisome, and that’s why I LOVE quotes/scriptures/stories about faith and trust and courage.

This is one of my absolute favorites:

That’s from Measure for Measure by Shakespeare. It makes my soul happy and, honestly, is a lot of the reason that I’ve taken the steps that I have recently.

I know you’re probably sick of hearing about my “leaps of faith” and “new opportunities” but that’s really what they are for me. I totally have to set aside my fears and worries and walk by faith and let me tell you, it is exhilarating. To have little control and just trust is incredibly difficult, but it changes you. I am SO glad I did it. For even just a moment, I have wings and I’m flying on faith. And even if I fail and fall, at least I’ll be “failing forward.”*

So I guess the moral of the story is don’t take life too seriously. After all, no one gets out alive anyway. 🙂

 

*Quote from C.S. Lewis: “Failures, repeated failures, are finger posts on the road to achievement. One fails forward toward success.”

 

 

 

Sunday Scribbles

This is exactly what my week has felt like.

I’ve been presented with new opportunities that I am really excited about, but they definitely have me stepping out of my comfort zone.

One exciting thing is that I started this blog to keep in better touch with you all. Feel free to contact me with any thoughts or questions. I want to be involved in your lives too! Second, I started my own business! EEK! It’s only been three days, but it’s been a fun ride so far. Again, feel free to contact me with any questions, or check out my page: rachelgardner.myrandf.com. 

Among other things, I’ve been caught up in marketing our book, applying to speak at BYU Education Week, working at the theatre, learning to sew, and speaking (more) Spanish. ALL of which are tasks that are relatively/completely foreign to me. It’s slightly terrifying.

Because of all these changes and leaps of faith, my mind has drifted to my priorities. What are they? Am I putting the most important things first? Are my actions indicative of where my priorities lie? The busier we get, the more likely it is that one of two things will happen. Either our top priorities (family, church, marriage, etc.) will start falling through the cracks, or the lower priorities that take up our time will become insignificant, and what is truly important will demand our attention. Today, I recognized that the former was beginning to happen and I caught it in time to revert my attention and allow the latter to take place. How grateful I am that I did!

As I thought about what my priorities are, I realized that #1 on the list is my relationship with Heavenly Father. After all, He is the only reason I even have these new, exciting, scary opportunities and I almost let that start slipping away by stressing about the recent adventures I’ve embarked on. If He really is my #1, then my behavior should reflect that.

Pondering these things has been really humbling. With everything that is happening in my life and how busy my schedule is, God still takes care of me and provides me with ways to become better and make my life more fulfilling. It’s my responsibility to show Him that same love and trust in Him, for “the Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer.” (Psalms 18:2)

 

 

 

What’s new?

You know that quote “Day by day nothing changes but you look back and everything is different?” That’s sort of what writing this feels like.  A lot has changed in the past few years, so here’s a brief synopsis of what that has entailed.

I moved to College Station, TX in 2012 and started my degree. I discovered my interest in osteology and learning about past peoples from the remains they leave behind. I continued to study this concept in my osteology, bioarchaeology, and dental anthropology classes. If you get me started on bones, I won’t stop — it is SO fascinating. I graduated with a BA in Anthropology in August of 2015.

I met my husband, Josh, in January of 2014 while we were both studying at Texas A&M, but we didn’t begin dating until September. From there, it was a whirlwind. We were engaged by the middle of October and got married at the end of December in Dallas, TX. It was super fast, but it just worked. I don’t really know how to describe it; we just clicked and knew that we wanted to get married, so why wait? Josh is from Amarillo, so we grew up near each other but never met until we were both at A&M. His parents still live there, so it gives me a good excuse to go visit West Texas every once in a while and feel the dusty wind on my face.

There’s all sorts of stigmas against getting married young, but I think it’s awesome. We’ve had so much fun in the first year and a half of our marriage. It hasn’t always been easy (like when my husband went to DC for a 3-month internship 6 months into our marriage and I was stuck in College Station), but it is definitely worth it. It really is an adventure and I love being on my adventure with Josh! And that internship gave us the opportunity to spend enough time in DC to fall in love with it.

Josh graduated with degrees in Economics and Spanish in December of 2015.

For the next 7 months, he struggled to find a job in his field. We probably filled out a hundred applications and he had lots of interviews but none of them stuck. None! So we talked about our options and prayed for guidance and in late July Josh decided that he wanted to go to medical school. It came as quite a shock to a lot of people, given his degrees, but he’s always had an interest in medicine and we really felt like it was right. Unfortunately, given his degrees, he had next to none of the pre-requisites required, so currently we are in the 1st of 5 semesters of pre-reqs for him (if anyone is a physics whiz, please let me know!), followed by medical school and residency. Oh, and he also works full time (he’s kind of amazing). Your prayers for us on this journey would be greatly appreciated!

I am also collaborating on a book right now. Last year I was approached by my bishop, Tom Baca (a scientist and author), to help edit a book he was writing. The book is about suffering, why we suffer, and how to make the most of it. I ended up co-authoring the book with Tom and another amazing human being, Melodee. She is definitely the rock and foundation of the book. Working with them and with those whose stories are in the book has humbled me and made me so grateful for the circumstances that I live in. Currently, the book is in publication, but don’t worry, I’ll let you know when it’s released for sale! In the meantime, here is a link to our blog.

authorsbcg.blogspot.com

Recently, I’ve been getting my foot in the door at The Theatre Company in Bryan, TX. My parents moved down to College Station in June of 2015 (which has been great!) and almost immediately got involved in the local community theatre, which has led me to get involved as well. I participated in our theatre program in high school, so it has been really fun being involved again. Right now we are doing The Little Mermaid. My mom is the head costumer for this show and I am (sort of) her assistant. It has really been a blast. We have an amazing cast and amazing people working behind the scenes. The show will open September 30 and run every weekend through October 16. Come out and see The Theatre Company’s production of The Little Mermaid! I promise you won’t be disappointed!

www.theatrecompany.com

I have also (very) recently become a consultant for Rodan+Fields. I am super excited about this opportunity, and the outreach and support from others has already been remarkable. If you’re interested in learning more about our products, feel free to contact me or visit my website.

rachelgardner.myrandf.com

I am still a practicing member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. This doctrine influences my life and my thoughts in a big way, but I am also open minded and willing to see things from a variety of perspectives. Mostly I just try to live the way Christ would have me live. I have also become an advocate for the anti-pornography movement. I have very passionate beliefs about this. If you want to learn more, here are some sites to visit:

www.fightthenewdrug.org

endsexualexploitation.org

That pretty much sums up the main points! I’m excited to get back in touch with y’all and I hope to hear from you!